We tend to get religious from time to time in the forest, as this occasion illustrates:
3/3/99
[CrysFaith] Hey, guys! I'm a Christian, 19, f, from Canada! Any guys want to chat? please msg me!
[WildChylde] ewwwww a christian!! they're dirty! stay away!
[fraNk] isn't being christian all about not having premarital sex??
[CrysFaith] Being a Christian is all about having a personal relationship with Jesus.
[RogueMage] Hey!! I resemble that remark
[fraNk] Hey, I resemble Jesus!!!
[RogueMage] hmm...Jesus is a lucky man :)
[Claws] I thought I heard someone said premarital sex...I did...I did hear it...
[fraNk] Well, all except that I have no beard, my hair is cut short and a different color, I don't wear
sandles all the time and I am not big on toga parties, and I only perform miracles with females, but other than
that, we are pretty similiar.
* WildChylde had a personal relationship with jesus... you ain't lived till you've had a man with a beard
like that licking your snatch!!
*** Signoff WildChylde (_204.97.172_).
[fraNk] OMG, WildChylde, you are gonna get hit by lightning, or have a massive orgasm, whichever
comes first.
[Mysteria] ...hehe...my ex was Jesus lost twin
[fraNk] guess she is off to meet her Jesus??
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[FourElveNation] Strings her bow and mounts her Unicorn...
[fraNk] Hmm, mounting your unicorn, that is quite the image in my head.
[Mysteria] ,,, *snickers at frank*..i was thinkin the same
[JadeHaight] *LOL@frank* "A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn."
[fraNk] I have to think mounting the unicorn would hurt, where do you put your feet, and what about
your arms, and that horn is awfully long.
[Mysteria] ...long and pointy..
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* RogueMage thinks about Kentucky Fried Chicken
* fraNk fights a 15 piece chicken bucket.
* fraNk is caught with an uppercut by a breast.
* fraNk grabs the breast and squeezes all hell out of it.
[CrysFaith] what's going on? frank, who are you talking to?
[CrysFaith] Is this just a sex room?
[fraNk] I'm male, you are female, ya, I'd say sex is part of it.
[RogueMage] Well..the major orgies aren'ttill 3 = (
[Chanvre] You got the right CrysFaith *LOL*
[PaintedWolf] *LOL*@Chanvre.. It is NOT Crys... Geese... sometimes we talk about farm animals!
[PaintedWolf] *LOL*@Chanvre.. It is NOT Crys... Geeze... sometimes we talk about farm animals!
[CrysFaith] oh, really?
[fraNk] Wow, Painted Wolf, you felt so strongly about farm animals that you posted twice!!
* RogueMage asks Crysfaith if she would like to stay until 3
[fraNk] CrysFaith, can we have a little bible study at my house tonite?
*** CrysFaith (206.172.102) has left location Forest
[Crono] *L* oh man! now we scared her off!!! Yeah!
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[LornaDoone] Hey anyone wanna go out with me? I'm drunk and have low self esteem any takers Im
fat too forgot to add that I am ugily as sin And will give everything into the relationship and later you can dump
me like trash no one will care not even me
[PaintedWolf] Lorna!! I'm a heterosexual but you are turning me way on!!! *L*
[LornaDoone] Geeze wish I still had my pic
[RogueMage] Lorna does sound cute doesn't she Painted?
[fraNk] Wow, Lorna, let me drink about 30 beers and we can talk about it!!
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This is a rather long selection admittedly, but it is the stalker part and is very humorous, particularly
PaintedWolf’s comments:
[PaintedWolf] The chiropractor told me I had back problems.. I had to restrain myself from guffawing
in her face.. I was like.. no shit, lady!
* fraNk rubs PW's back and soothes her aching quivering buttocks.
* PaintedWolf falls in love with fraNk all over again* I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
[light] well geeze PaintedWolf can we share fraNk?
[PaintedWolf] Thats up to fraNk, light.. *L*.. I'm not the posessive type.. but you have to wait until
after 2PM eastern standard time because I'm obsessed with him until then
[light] okay PaintedWolf *giggle*
[fraNk] I think I will have to check my obsessive compulsive stalker calender to see if there is an
opening in my daily planner, light, hold on.
[fraNk] Hmm, light, does 4pm -7 pm work for you ?? I have an early commitment from 2 - 4 pm with
a restraining order girl.
[light] fraNk 4 to 7 maybe a little tricky but I will see..*grin*
[fraNk] Okay, light, I look forward to you calling me over and over again on the phone, peeking in my
windows, and slashing my tires!! *hugs*
[light] I don't do the tire thing fraNk but the phone thing is open for discussion... hehehe
[fraNk] light, if you don't stare in my windows, you can't possibly hope to contend with painted wolf
as Stalker Extraordinare.
[light] darn... I don't think I would be a very good stalker
* PaintedWolf give free stalking lessons*
[PaintedWolf] 1. Cut out letters from the newspaper that spell f r a N k.
[fraNk] Heh heh, PW, I knew that letter was from you, but damn if you were good at whiping the
prints away.
* light takes notes
[PaintedWolf] 2. Make a scapbook of fraNks every post.
[light] PaintedWolf does the kind of glue you use on the letters matter?
[fraNk] Hmm, I figured that was going on, my post's have been turning up at Stalker conventions from
Toledo to the Sudan.
[PaintedWolf] No light.. as long as you use latex gloves and the glue is water soluable
[PaintedWolf] 3. Hire a hacker to find out where he lives.
* fraNk hears the word latex and gets excited.
[fraNk] Hmm, I was certain you had to have hired one, how else could you continually find me as I
have moved 14 times in 3 months.
[RogueMage] well! step number 3 taken care of
[PaintedWolf] 4. Send his Mother gifts of appreciation for giving birth to him and sign it ---from the
mother of your future grandchildren
[fraNk] Hey, Rogue, this is female stalkers only, you have to sign up for male stalker next semester.
* RogueMage already did number 4
[RogueMage] I do?? damn! = (
[RogueMage] can I still stalk you though frank?
[PaintedWolf] 5. Find out his daily schedule and copy it to the letter
[poet] ewww # 4? *L*
[fraNk] Whoa, I wondered why mom was calling and leaving strange messages on my answering
machine about not meeting my fiance when I don't have one.
[PaintedWolf] *LMAO*@RM
[fraNk] Yah, you can stalk me Rogue, but no # 4 or you die!!
[PaintedWolf] 6. Purchase lots of ice cream and store it in the freezer.. (I'll explain later)
* RogueMage tells eveveryone but frank he did number 4
* fraNk beats on Rogue, just for suspecting # 4 was done anyway
[PaintedWolf] 7. Write "I love fraNk" on every piece of heavy farm equipment you can find in his
hometown.
[fraNk] I KNEW IT, I KNEW OLD FARMER JACKSON WASN'T ACTUALLY IN LOVE WITH
ME *cries to himself at the thought of losing old man jackson's love*
[light] PW is that regular paint in a bucket or spray paint... do you do farm animals too?
[PaintedWolf] 8. Create an altar of latex and spam...Pray to this every night for 2 weeks
* KortneY cracks up, writing all this stuff down so her sister can use it on Ben Affleck later*
[fraNk] Well, do # 8 to your hearts content, better praying to spam than myself I guess.
[light] I thought I saw "I LOVE fraNk" on a cow once
[RogueMage] Latex Spam..or..latex AND spam..cause I can get all three
[PaintedWolf] Farm animals come later, light... and you use spray paint..
*** macop (#207.174.86#) time seems to stop magically as someone enters the clearing between
the trees.
[fraNk] you did, light, but that cow was in love with me, I have a restraining order against her, her
name is Bessie and she moos at me all the time.
[poet] hey frank..I was declaring my love for you the other night in here...telling dumbass...uhm what's
his name that youwere far better than he..(sledge/blunt/all other nicks*
[fraNk] Ben Affleck IS stalking me, funny you would say that, KortneY
[fraNk] macop is here, great, another stalker
[PaintedWolf] 9. Buy a billy goat and name it fraNk and take it with you every where you go
[fraNk] Hmmm, I figured as much, why else would the whole town have this sudden affection for
goats.
* macop stalks fraNk and enjoys it*
[RogueMage] Ben Steiner is stalking ME :)
[PaintedWolf] 10. Present fraNk's mother with the goat on his 30th birthday as a gift of breeding rights
to her beloved son
[light] but wait macop ... get in line
[KortneY] Ben CAN'T be stalking you. He said he loves ME! Me, him, and Matthew McConaughey
are gonna do a three way like in "Wild Things", only I'm the only girl. *jumps up and down*
[fraNk] Well, I don't think #10 even deserves a comment, other than you are my ultimate stalker!!
* macop pouts and goes to the back of the line*
[PaintedWolf] 11. If all else fails .. revert to drowning your sorrows in the freezer full of ice cream
* fraNk imagines KorneY getting pissed off as hell as Afleck and McConaughey spend more time on
each other than her *snicker*
* poet gives macop her place in line
[fraNk] mona?? another stalker, I certainly hope not, I have about all I can handle *checks his daily
planner again*
* macop jumps up and down and gets in poets place* thanks!! *laffz*
* mona is a lurker...not a stalker...
[fraNk] One time, a stalker broke into my room at night and broke eggs on my bare buttocks, it was
very sensual.
[poet] oops gotta go...going to get my van today YAY!!! seeya's ! *hugz*
[fraNk] Thank god!! *schwew, wipes off brow* as long as mona lurks and doesn't attempt to stalk me
I will be ok.
[fraNk] Oh, great, a van!! *imagines poet outside of his house in a van with all sorts of listening
equipment and cameras* you stalker!!
[Claws] will it work if I'm stalking a girl PW?..
* PaintedWolf points at fraNk and rolls down the window to her van* Thats just me, silly!!!
***Signoff light (153.35.20).
[fraNk] *** User light not found, user light last spotted buying plane tickets to Omaha Nebraska.
[fraNk] Damn, I'm screwed!! light is on her way now
* marity decides tickets to Omaha are good ... *No, round trip will NOT be necessary, sir!*
PaintedWolf] No Claws.. girls are totally different.. and I'm not up on my stalking secrets with chicks
just now.. *L*
*** Orfinani (#206.229.220#) time seems to stop magically as someone enters the clearing between
the trees
[fraNk] OH SHIT, ORF, I AM IN STALKER HELL!!! *grin*
*** marity is now known as Chantress.
* Olorin buys a Cat bulldozer, paints it blue and maize, and leaves it parked in fraNk's driveway*
* fraNk runs out and loads the Bulldozer with C4 *another gift I might add* and blows it to hell!!
* Chantress mumbles..if I'm gonna stalk fraNk I might as well do it right.. in THIS form.*
[fraNk] Hmmm, Chantress now too, this is a regular Stalkarama 99, with musical guests, Def Leppard,
Bon Jovi, and Cinderella.
*** EsoraLauna (141.218.234) time seems to stop magically as someone enters the clearing between
the trees.
[fraNk] Esora is here also? Hope she isn't out in the van with painted wolf stalking me too!!
* PaintedWolf ducks as a piece of blue and maize bulldozer flies overhead*
[Orfinani] fraNk, HELPPPPPPP!
[fraNk] Orf, I sort of have my hands full at the moment, you know what I mean *stares at the van out
by his mailbox
[fraNk] PaintedWolf is very quiet all of the sudden *watches the van intently*
* Orfinani glares @ fraNk
* fraNk has been granted a one time use of color by sexystalker Orfinani
* Orfinani poses
* fraNk kisses Orf, for even a stalker gets a kiss for color.
[Orfinani] EWEEEE poison fraNk lips
[fraNk] Hmm, I just cannot seem to win with Orf, can I??
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and in a related story:
* CHanvre has been carring a big present which is kind of heavy.
* 0__Ace looks at the present *Well???
[CHanvre] It is for you! you silly! * puts down the present* There Open it up!
* 0__Ace looks at the huge present and opens it and finds a golden axe!!!
* CHanvre sees as O_Ace opens up the present. She hopes he likes the magic golden Ax.
[fraNk] Hmm, O Ace, that gift must be meant for me
[fraNk] only a stalker would send you a beautiful axe as a gift, although I did recieve a dead skunk
once
[0__Ace] Thanks I'll remember that, fraNk!
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[fraNk] Why KortneY, I am naked right now!! *checks the windows*
[Orfinani] fraNK is NEGGID? YESHOORAY
[EsoraLauna] nekkid???
* 0__Ace looks at fraNk *Get some clothes on, Boy. None of us want to see that on here again.
[Orfinani] I wanna see *it*
[PaintedWolf] Yes Ace.. some of us do.. *grins@fraNk*
[Orfinani] it it it it it it it it
[Orfinani] gets out her magnifying glass and inspects fraNk WOW!!!
* fraNk thinks Orf must actually have a telescope, turned around the wrong way
[Orfinani] PW, take a look at this...
[PaintedWolf] WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
[Orfinani] Why, that is the biggest...er...birthmark i have ever seen
* PaintedWolf faints*
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[PaintedWolf] I went off to la la land for a moment...
[Orfinani] is that where the Lalanese live?
[PaintedWolf] Yes Orfi!! hahahahaha
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[Claws] sometimes...I can't help but think that U all are totally NUTS...
[fraNk] I happen to be 24 percent cashew, Claw, but that is far from totally nuts, I have chocolate,
caramel, and nooget too.
[Claws] fraNk...I rest my case...
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* Starbelly opens a jar of peanut butter and digs in
* fraNk opens a can of woop ass on Rogue and digs in
[RogueMage] Frank Brand woop ass! for the ass whooper in you!
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[FourElveNation] frowns at the lack of intellagance and knowlege of the past...
[poet] uhm intelligence ..knowledge...I think they go hand in hand
[fraNk] I think stupidity and ignorance seem to go hand in hand also
[poet] you should know,frank *grins*
[fraNk] Ohhhh, poet *one point deduction, below the belt!!*
[poet] *L* frank..sorry but I like it down there *
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* fraNk grabs 0 Ace'
[fraNk] dammit
[0__Ace] WHO KNOWS, FRANK!!
[fraNk] I meant to say something there, O Ace, sorry, the return key tricked me into thinking it was
the shift key
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